I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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