HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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