how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
