google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
