I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
