Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
