Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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