He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
