ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
