Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
