You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
