I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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