it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
