We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
