You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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