yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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