I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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