I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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