There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
