I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
