Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
