so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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