At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
