its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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