dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
