Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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