pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
