you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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