508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
