i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
