your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
