Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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