Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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