The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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