It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
