Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
