What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
