allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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