We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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