dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
