i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
