i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
