There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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