it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
