first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
