i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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