we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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