After last night, I could never be a politician.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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