Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have fence marks all over my body
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
