I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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