he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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