I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
