does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
