It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
