And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
third nipple confirmed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
