We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
